Wishing

I want my life back. I want some form of life back. I was happy, blissfully so. I had someone to share my life with, Had plans, had something to fight for, to get out of life. Now, well now I have nothing. No one to hold me, no one to kiss me goodnight. No one to share my life with. I found love twice in this life and both times it went to hell. Was ripped from my grasp at its prime. After the first time I never thought I could have that feeling again and I accepted that. I was content with that. Than I found someone who with a single look made time stand still. i never thought I would get that feeling again. But I found it, I had someone who cared about me back and wasn't just trying to please me. At least thats what i thought. But no, With the men I truely care for, the ones that make life worth living for me. They have to try, They have to put themselves through some sort of trial just to get through a day with me. Why? I am not that difficult? am i? That you need to try when I've always been myself. I may be shyer than I once was, or not want to party as much, but isn't that someone that isn't so bad. Guess it is.

I had love twice, had that love where time stands still and your heart feels full to the brim. That love that causes everything else to seem unimportant. Because they are the other half of your heart. How am I supposed to find that now? now that twice its ripped from me, Twice I have been standing there alone, my heart torn to pieces and scattered to the wind. I feel nothing I can't even cry right now, even though every pore and part of my being wants to. Wants to just let it out. But I can't because I have no one there.

Life just keeps getting worse with time not better. Never better. I am broken. Not worth fixing, well maybe for fun just to break me from the inside out again. How can I trust anything. tomorrow won't bring happiness or anything good. Time just brings pain and Torment. More hurt. Life goes on though right. You have to stand tall. I am not standing just I don't have the guts to fully give up. So guess i will just live. Live for the sake of living nothing more.