Waiting... ... ..

Well Today was a bust in some ways. My mother helped in in packing up most of my ex's stuff. But no one has given me a fucking call to tell me what is going on. Nice huh? Trying to find out what to do because he has a few of my things that I need like yesterday. Such as a phone that I am paying for. Yes I am an idiot and gave my bf a phone and paid for it fully. I know already know that was one of the stupidest things I've ever done. But what can ya do. I can't change whats done. What I want is to do SOMETHING! Some - Fucking - thing. All I am doing is packing. No one has had the decency to call me and say when I can get my stuff back and when someone will come get his. It's bullshit. Fucking Bullshit. And I want to apologize now for the most swearing I think I have ever done and hopefully will ever do in my blogging career. I normally don't swear too much, guess it's just been building and this seems like a good place to release it.


So Basically there are a few of his things to be packed away. Than its the waiting game but hopefully Tomorrow I will get that call and finally know what is happening. I feel sick not knowing. I mean physically sick, I feel like throwing up whenever I eat (which is only once a day and something small) Juice and milk aren't agreeing with me only water is. This stress, this unknowing it's getting to me big time. Wanted to let that out.


One last thought though. I've been thinking back on my life so far, and I really am Miss Unlucky. All I wanted for some time now was to get to that step where I can start a family. Have a baby, be a mom. Thinking back on all that, I have realized that it is just a dream. Unattainable. For

1. My luck with guys is well.. .. HORRID, They either cheat on me, Just leave, Move and forget to tell me we were over or like this last time make me fall head over heels in love just to let me find out I was the 3 fucking year rebound. Yay fucking Me. 
2. I am not that organized, I start things I don't finish. Don't get me wrong I am working on it. Just I need to straighten out what I want to do, how I want to do it first. Which may take a long time.
3. Sometimes I have enough trouble taking care of myself. I am not one to self motivate, For years my room has never been well clean. Working on that too but as I mentioned not that into cleaning. Trying to change that outlook. 
4. Financial Stability - not my forte, I am quite spontaneous and impulsive. Sales are my enemy. have already gotten a bit better. But I help other before I help myself guess you could say good and bad at the same time. Considering I have Supported my Ex while we were together for the last .. year.. and a half.

Ya, not proud of that last fact but, I did. I am not the smartest when it comes to that. You could say I have a lot of issue. Not going into that at this moment might make a full blog just about my issues. Would be longer than this for sure. But basically those are the main points on why it is only a dream.  Glad I got that out. Feel a little better. Should go before I make this any longer. 

One last thing to get out. 

FUUUUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE. I HOPE KARMA GIVES YOU WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE FUCKER. 

Done now. Thanks world for letting me get that out.