Pictures.

I am sitting here on my laptop taking a break from all of this Crap. About the 10th break today because I get some done and than it just becomes overwhelming. FUCK!
While on my break I was looking at the photos of me and my ex over these past few years. I still just can't believe it. We both look so happy in those pictures. Did I change that much to make him suddenly hate me? What really happened? I feel like just crying but I don't want to cry anymore over him. I don't. All this seems to not want to end though. I took a week off work to get all this sorted and now I find out I may have to take more time off work because of this Fucking crap. You fucking caused it, you tore out my heart and stepped on it til there was nothing left. And I am the one having to take time off of work. Sit around waiting for a phone call in "a few days". WHY? How is that fair? What did I do so horribly wrong in my life to deserve this.


You know just a little while ago we were talking of getting married, having kids and a house. Now it all feels like some strange dream. Like I woke out of a coma to find it was all a big Fucking lie. That none of it was real. I can't even say this to him. I can't ask why, or what I did wrong. I can't apologize to his mother for all the drama I caused. I can't do anything but sit here. Packing away all this fucking shit. Looking at these things we got together, pictures of us together, clothes he wore and his side of the bed where he slept next to me for just under 3 years. His stuff still has his scent. Wow. I am sad. Really sad that I fell for a guy who would make me so undone. So lost and overwhelmed.


FUCK. maybe tomorrow I will get the call and it will be all over come the weekend. Heres to hoping right.