Changes

Sometimes in life, you need to make a change not just wait for it to happen. Over this past year I've grown more than I realized til now. Strange how looking back on previous can show you a kind of enlightenment you didn't quite see before. I've always sat back waiting for someone to help me make the changes I needed, but you have to do that for yourself. I want to be a better person, I want to prove my worth to myself. Strange how we never realize things til the last moment. Luckily for me I am starting to see those things, see how I want to grow. I've heard the advice "if you want to change, just do it" but it never really sunk in til now.

I met this man who changed me without even realizing he was doing it. He brought me hope with just a word, I started changing this year for the worst. And now I'm ending the year feeling at one of my best moments. He started the change in me I truly needed. Now, it's my turn to continue changing, growing, finding my way. I finally found that person who helps without knowing it, who makes me really feel. Feel everything, not numb or oblivious.

Everyone needs something or someone to help them start their change, their growth, but you, yourself have to continue it. If not you'll end up back at square one. Not getting to your potential.

This year for 2012, I will reach my goals. That is my resolution, just to be me. Do the things I want to do, with the people who matter to me. This is my year.

Ily M.

Have a good new year everyone. All the best in 2012 and may you find all u want in the year to come.

End of a horrid year...

Just realized it's been a long time since my last post. There is just to much to explain. If you have read any of my previous blogs you would at least know about my Ex and I breaking up and that drama. And a bit about my life over this last year. Now everything has changed. I need to change. Drastically. I need to find myself again, push my limits, become a better person.

I found out my ex has actually been in and out of mental hospitals since he left me. Hard to know what to think considering, I am not heartless I still care for him dearly. But I've spent the past what 8 months now? Thinking he has been with his Ex, completely over me and happy. Now I find out NO, he's emotionally unstable. And I found out from a Crown attorney representative. Not even his dad told me. Really? I may not be family, I may no longer be in his life. But We were each others lives for 3 years, I deserved to know. Deserved to be worried. 

Oh I lost my job last week too. Way too much drama to even try to explain, but short version... ..
 - I am seeing a Guy I was working with (he just got a better job about a month ago). It's complicated. Someone at work took these complications personally and basically fought to have me fired. The guy I'm seeing is incredible, and it just happened. I wasn't looking. To tell you the truth I gave up. I had accepted that I would never find someone and I would only concentrate on my life nothing more.
 - He has a past riddled with as much loss and drama as my own. He is such a strong man. In the short amount of time we've been together already I can already say beyond a shadow of a doubt, I love him. I've never felt so strongly, so quickly, so absolutely before about anyone, about anything. He is my miracle in life.
 - But even with this which except with the me getting fired part things sound good. It's so complex and none of my business to fully say. Let's just leave it at he has just experienced a tragedy. And I can't even be there for him. (part of the complication). 

Guess I just have to hope next year will be better all around right?




No Parent should lose a child, Never so young and never twice.