Rant, Vent, better now. :)

So. ya.. I was going to Blog a few days ago but trust me would not have been good. Short part of that would be that I was FINALLY supposed to get my property back for Sir fucking Ex over the past weekend. I messaged his dad Tuesday after not hearing from him to find out Ex Asshole went away for the weekend and is as far as I know still where ever the fuck he went. His mom tried to find my stuff but couldn't. I know his parents are trying but really? Why tell me? Could have just said "sorry couldn't meet up to grab your stuff but this weekend ok?" Instead of that. AHHHH!! If I had of written a blog entry that day about 98% would have just been swears. Been advised to go to small claims court. OH Effin Monkey Firetruckin Turtle Crack. (can't even swear right anymore). Debating I should but I really don't want to, and to make matters worse My mom is pushing to me to just buy a new SIM card for the phone so my brother can start using it. WHAT?? We've talked about giving that phone to my brother because he has my old old one. But I never said yes. I love my brother don't get me wrong. That fact is that he has never had a job, doesn't pay for anything himself, including school (FYI I was never told I had a chance to have my schooling paid for) so why should I give him an IPhone when yes he get good grades, but he hasn't worked (real world worked) and learned to earn things. Someone tell my mom, she won't let me say otherwise. I understand but until he has a job I can't do it, my mom will end up paying for it anyway which means. Another thing he gets handed to him while I have to work my Ass off, and she left me to pay for two phones for uhmm a year all by myself. UGH.


Well, I wasn't really going to rant tonight but guess it had to come out at some point. But other that that drama I am feeling a bit better about me. I have been added small routines to my days to help get some much needed order to them. Did a Wii "Just Dance" workout. Tired but felt so nice to release that energy. Work is okay too, can't complain except for the I DUN WANNA GO feeling I have been having lately. Only 2 more weeks til my holiday. CAN'T FUCKING WAIT PEOPLE! Sorry lots of capitals and swearing today. In another quite strange mood. Hopefully this is good sign :S    But since I kind of ranted more than I wanted to I completely forgot if there was something I'm missing I wanted to included.  *scratches head* oh Well. Tired so getting ready for bed. 

Phone plugged in

Alarms set

Energy drink beside bed to assist in wake up process

Kitten food ready to go

Work bag ready and waiting

Good Night To You Out There 

Working, working, working.....

So been a little busy lately taking lots of extra hours at work to help finally pay off all my bills and get my own car. But been wearing myself a little thin. And also lately I just want to keep up this for the most part happy mood so work is helping me kind of just worry about work and nothing else. Don't have much to report I am sorry to say. But have some cute pictures of kitten to put up soon and some of my already done art, and hopefully get a few of my current projects.


My mood this week has for the most part been good. Only had one break down day, so i guess that's a good sign that I am slowly getting past all this fucking drama. Still waiting to get my stuff back. UGH!! Been almost a month and my Ex still has some of my shit. But from the sounds of it his luck isn't going so well, so to that in this happy and strange mood I seem to be in tonight.  " AHAHAHAHAHAHA.. fuck you". I think part of this better mood has been created by Jess, C and their wee one. And also a bit by me realizing (and I have thought about this from every angle but still my opinion) that over the last almost 3 years with TS that I tried so hard gave everything to that relationship. I have my faults but openly admitted what they were and tried to work on them. So I did nothing wrong. Still Have those days where I see a happy couple or hear about another baby being hatched that I somewhat break down. Considering only about a month ago TS and I were talking about one day getting married and starting a family together. I still wish as well that I could find out why he did this. I am about 80% sure of why but I guess as my mom keeps telling me for closure purposes I need to here it from him. Well not going to happen. Oh another wonderful mess that is.


On a lighter note my Dad and I are on this Sunday evening going to get the Schnoodle (half Schnauzer, half Poodle) that my Dad is saving from a shelter. He needs a dog, he always has. I would rather though have a lab or German Shepard. Small dogs can be quite annoying, and a schnoodle?? Really Dad? Meh, going meet the little guy on Sunday so we will see how this goes. Hopefully This dog whose name is Toby will Get along with my Cosmo Kitty.


..... .... ... ... 


Sorry she must have heard me dirty look from the kitten. She's still mad that I kicked her off my laptop so I could Blog. The picture is on my twitter but will put it here soon. Well best me watching an episode of Farscape than cuddle up with Cosmo and fall asleep. 


Good Nighty to All those out there.

My week...

Been a little while since my last blog so thought I should write about how my week has been going so far. Feeling slightly better still have those days where I just want to break down, but not as often because the more time that goes by the more of an ass I'm realizing my ex really is. Got some of my stuff back but I'm not being nice anymore. I mean why should I be I was nice for 3 years, he ruined it so shouldn't he have to deal with the consequences? 


I've been back at work, and working quite a lot as well. Took a bunch of overtime hours over the last two weeks, for a few reasons. 1) I need the money I want to finally pay off all my bills and get my own car. 2) I need something to keep me busy. And so far I am able to do both. I work with some amazing people who are so supportive, and constantly making me smile which is definitely what I have been needing. I like my job for the most part, as much as anyone can like working in a call center. But get good pay and lots of incentives that sometimes are too good to pass by. 


Also I've been going up to Visit some friends. Jess, C and their little man D. It was a lot of fun, C mostly played with his truck but it was great seeing him so happy and focused. Jess, D and I went out to take some pictures of me, because I haven't really felt up to updating and taking some of myself over the last little while. But she helped feel really good about myself. Thanks Jess. It's good having a girl to talk to again too, mainly all my friends are guys. Don't get me wrong, guys are awesome but I'm a girl. I need girl time every so often, it's nice to have that back. Definitely visiting more, because it's always so fun and nice being around people who care. 


I know not too much detail into my week. Been pretty uneventful except for the trip to visit friends. Trying to get more fun and adventure in my life, just starting small for right now. Thinking of FINALLY starting my vlog once a week. Just not fully sure what to do, but guess I'll make that up as I go along. Finishing the set up of my art station too. So Pictures of that will be coming soon. 
For now enjoy some pictures Jess took of me. And a few of the kitty.

Cozmo Kitty Sleeping. 

Watching some Shaytards with me

Cozmo and I trying to nap

Below are the ones Jess took of me. Thanks again Hun!

Trouble sleeping.

As the title of this blog states, I seem to be having an issue sleeping. UGHHA! I have to work tomorrow, which is still weird for me being back at work, but gotta pay the bills right?

I am also still so all over the place, your probably tired of reading it, but one second I am fine. Than the next I am just about to burst with sadness. Can't wait until that phase stops because I know he is an utter asshole. But every so often the good bits come to mind. The sweet times, when he wrote me notes, gave me kisses without me asking. I miss those days. Something though I have realized is that is the past, no matter how much I want that back it can't be. He fucked it up and lost the future we would have had. I need the future, need to work on that not hope for the past. Guess that is my epiphany for tonight.

Been thinking a lot in the last little while. About what it is I want to do. All I know is that I still want to do my art, still create and make things that others can enjoy. So starting at some point this week, I have a project I want to start. Got pretty much everything set up and the supplies needed, now I just need to start it. I need to basically make sure I get things done. I have my motivation too, I just need to keep the momentum, The funny thing is TS created that motivation, Because when he comes back, begging for me back. Realizing he gave up the only person who truly understands him and loves him beyond a doubt. Unlike his little tryst from the past. I want to be able to stand there and have him see what he truly missed. A beautiful (skinner) woman who is successful doing what she loves and not hindered by his cruelty, by his leaving her to rot. That is my goal, maybe not for the best reasons, but it will make me push myself, and better myself for me at the same time.

Who knows what the future will hold, but one thing I know is we can only make our own choices. Choose which way we want to go, how we want to live this life. Try not to regret anything. I don't regret falling in love, or trying to make him happy. What I regret is losing a part of myself, but that I will get back.

Best be trying to get some sleep so I can wake up for work.

Good Nightie Night World of Mystery. What will Tomorrow bring?

WOW. Just Wow.

So My luck is still on an incredible decline. All This Ex boyfriend crap, Been happy one day than for no reason I'll break down, now I am sick. Had a crying fit last night. Now TS' dad came by to get his stuff most of it is gone. But really you want all that when you don't have anywhere to put it? oh ya he took my Sim card for the phone, Really? How stupid are you, the Sim card is what has the account information Dumb ass. You gave me an empty useless phone Retard! Oh and I only got about 25% of my movies Back. Really? After all we've been through and you do this. FUCK YOU! Well try going into Telus to get it set up. I dare you. Oh and by the way next time I See your parents and the opportunity arises I am telling them the truth Asshole.

That you've been out of a job for a year and a half letting me support you. That most of what You have, are things I have bought you. I was hurt and alone and sad you weren't here with me. But now I could care less. You Slimy Rat Fucking Bastard.

I'm hoping that all this horrible fucking luck to me means yours is worse. And that hopefully My own luck since it has been so horrible will be very good soon. Heres to hoping. Thanks for letting me get that out.

Thanks World.