Trouble sleeping.

As the title of this blog states, I seem to be having an issue sleeping. UGHHA! I have to work tomorrow, which is still weird for me being back at work, but gotta pay the bills right?

I am also still so all over the place, your probably tired of reading it, but one second I am fine. Than the next I am just about to burst with sadness. Can't wait until that phase stops because I know he is an utter asshole. But every so often the good bits come to mind. The sweet times, when he wrote me notes, gave me kisses without me asking. I miss those days. Something though I have realized is that is the past, no matter how much I want that back it can't be. He fucked it up and lost the future we would have had. I need the future, need to work on that not hope for the past. Guess that is my epiphany for tonight.

Been thinking a lot in the last little while. About what it is I want to do. All I know is that I still want to do my art, still create and make things that others can enjoy. So starting at some point this week, I have a project I want to start. Got pretty much everything set up and the supplies needed, now I just need to start it. I need to basically make sure I get things done. I have my motivation too, I just need to keep the momentum, The funny thing is TS created that motivation, Because when he comes back, begging for me back. Realizing he gave up the only person who truly understands him and loves him beyond a doubt. Unlike his little tryst from the past. I want to be able to stand there and have him see what he truly missed. A beautiful (skinner) woman who is successful doing what she loves and not hindered by his cruelty, by his leaving her to rot. That is my goal, maybe not for the best reasons, but it will make me push myself, and better myself for me at the same time.

Who knows what the future will hold, but one thing I know is we can only make our own choices. Choose which way we want to go, how we want to live this life. Try not to regret anything. I don't regret falling in love, or trying to make him happy. What I regret is losing a part of myself, but that I will get back.

Best be trying to get some sleep so I can wake up for work.

Good Nightie Night World of Mystery. What will Tomorrow bring?